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Five Poses to Survive Your Family This Holiday

By Sarah Ezrin on Yoga Journal • Dec 28, 2020

Does your family of origin know exactly how to push your buttons? This sequence will help you react and communicate from your true self, not your childhood self.

It’s often called “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” but the Holidays are often the most challenging. Even those of us with dedicated practices can experience frustration and anger with our families. 
Renowned spiritual teacher Ram Dass famously said, “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” I personally cannot count the amount of holidays I was wrapping my legs behind my head doing Ashtanga in the hallway to stay sane, while my family members wrapped gifts in the other room.

Why do we get so triggered? 

Often, our mind is hijacked by old relationship dynamics and familiar scripts. We lose the clarity of the present moment and connection to our true Self. We start responding as if we were 10 years old again, instead of the more evolved adult we have become. 
See also 4-Step Meditation to Beat Holiday Stress

Luckily, we can call on yoga to help. Our practice is truly the gift that keeps on giving. As children and teens, managing our feelings and making sense of emotions might have been challenging. Now as adults, we have skills we can employ when frustrated or sad, such as language, self-compassion, and even specific poses. This can be incredibly healing!

Beneath even the most meaningful layers, like our identity and familial connection, there is a place inside of us that is eternal and invincible. This is a place of love, patience, connection, and generosity. This is our true nature. We glimpse this place every time we get on the mat, but we can also quickly lose it when we start fighting our brother for the remote control or mom comments on our weight. 
This five-pose sequence will help you survive family during the holidays by reconnecting you to your true Self. You don’t need much space or time to do this! Whether you commandeer a bathroom for ten minutes or sequester yourself in the basement, this sequence will help you stay grounded in connection, so that you can give and receive love freely. 


Sukhasana (Easy Pose)

The first step to coming back to the present moment is to get grounded in who we are. And the best place to do that is to literally come to the ground! This seat is a staple meditation pose and hip-opener. It is also a helpful shape for accessing our root chakra, muladhara, which is located at the base of the pelvic floor. The root chakra relates to issues of security, survival, and family. Accessing this powerful energy center helps us feel more secure and confident. By owning who we are today, we are also honoring who we were yesterday.


Cat/Cow (Marjaryasana/Bitilasana)

You know that feeling in your belly like an elevator is dropping? That is our sympathetic nervous system responding as if we are in grave danger. However, this system cannot tell the difference between a tiger and your little sister. When we are threatened, our instinct is to respond in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Unfortunately, in the modern era, we get stressed and triggered all the time without being able to move that energy through our body. Because of Cat/Cow’s dynamic nature, taking a few rounds of these when the triggered can be helpful in moving energy through the body via the breath. Inhale in Cow. Exhale in Cat. Repeat for a few minutes.  


Low Lunge (Anjaneyasana)

One of the primary muscles related to the body’s fear response is the psoas. A main function of these muscles (we have one on each side) is to flex the hips, meaning bringing the thigh bone up to the chest, which is a crucial action to protect vital organs. When we are in fear or under high stress, the psoas can become overactive. A chronically tight psoas has been linked to a host of challenges, such as digestive issues and anxiety. The shape of the back leg in low lunge helps to release the the psoas from its chronic gripping. Low Lunge will also help get the breath moving since the top of the psoas and diaphragm are close neighbors. (Liz Koch; Psoas Book)

Knees to Chest (Apanasana)

Now that we are grounded, the nervous system has settled, and the psoas is released, we can start to shift our energy toward reconnection and self-love. Apanasana is not only a great way to release the lower back and help with digestion, but it is an energetic hug for your whole being. What makes the holidays healing is that they are an opportunity to re-pattern our normal responses. They can remind us that no matter what is happening around us or outside of us, we are always connected to the universe within. We are always love. 

Corpse Pose (Savasana)

Ending this brief sequence with a Savasana may seem frivolous at first, but one could say that the previous poses were really just preparation for this moment, just as all of your memories and experiences have prepared you for who you are now. The translation of Savasana is corpse pose. It is an opportunity to shed the parts of yourself that no longer serve you, and to open yourself for the next iteration of who you are to become. The very shape of Savasana – palms up, front body exposed – is one of receptivity. Before you return to join the family, observe how you feel after your practice and remember that this feeling of peace is not something that we just lose when we roll up our mat. This peace is always there. It is your true nature.


Article by Author 
SARAH EZRIN
DECEMBER 15, 2019
Click here to learn more: https://www.yogajournal.com/practice/5-poses-to-survive-your-family-this-holiday/

By Maggie Lavey 10 Aug, 2021
Mindfulness encompasses a variety of definitions although most are similar in concepts. Mindfulness is described as an awareness that arises from purposely paying attention in the present free from any judgements. Mindfulness is a state of awareness of ones emotions, thoughts, and sensations when each occurs. A third definition of mindfulness is a nonjudgmental state of awareness of present experiences. Various interpretations exist dependent on the context in which mindfulness is being examined. For example, mindfulness can be examined in improving emotional regulation and as a coping tool for stress management. Mindfulness is being in the present moment in ones body in a fully conscious state, aware of ones own experiences without judgement or narrative- just being in the moment in the here and now with an acceptance of how things are; being aware of our own thoughts, emotions, sensations without being caught up in them- an outside observer of self with an awareness of the moment. Mindfulness can be used throughout the day when walking, eating, and whenever feeling emotionally “charged” to step back and observe internal experiences. Yoga, meditation, and breathing are a few ways to cultivate mindfulness. Being mindful allows for intentional actions and responses rather than living on autopilot without being aware. The benefits of mindfulness are plentiful, and a regular practice is beneficial for enhancing wellness. Being able to stop and really get into the here and now and out of automatic unconscious living enhances feelings of well-being and an ability to respond more effectively with emotional control. Mindfulness can improve experiences and interpersonal relationships alike. Mindfulness is Intentional Living. Give it a try and see what happens. How do you define mindfulness? How do you cultivate mindfulness in your daily life?
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By Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D. 29 Apr, 2021
Imagine you are sitting in a car, and you are driving down a lonely highway. Suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, a warning light goes off. Your oil pressure is very low. If you just ignore it and continue your drive, you run the risk of doing serious damage to your engine. You know you can get a tow, but this is going to take a while. As you are considering your next step, you suddenly remember a trick about how you can short circuit the warning light. This would not change anything about the engine—it would still be starved for oil—but the low-pressure signal would no longer be blinking on your dashboard, and you could ignore it more easily. Here’s the question: Should you do it? Unless you are seriously intoxicated (at which point you shouldn’t be driving at all), you won’t hesitate to say “no” to that impulse. Rightly so. Turning off the light will not do anything for you. The light is just the messenger, and not the problem in itself. Instead, you would be better advised to take in the information and deal with the situation. This is easy and intuitive to understand when it comes to external problems like car maintenance. It’s much more confusing, however, when the problems occur internally. When we are confronted with difficult emotions like anxiety, depression, stress, grief, anger, or loneliness, we are quick to search for the off-button on our emotional dashboard instead of taking in the messages they contain. Make it stop! Give me the wine and cigarettes. Let me cancel this appointment. Engage me on social media. Show me the movies and video games. Do whatever, but just make it stop! This is often our first response when difficult emotions show up: We try to mute the signal. But emotions are not the problem. They are merely messengers. And the messages they carry deserve at least to be heard. They often contain important lessons, and can call us to helpful actions. Often they show us opportunities. What Emotions Can Signal Fear might show us that danger is up ahead, and we better prepare ourselves. Loneliness might urge us to prioritize close relationships. Grief might open us up to what is important and meaningful to us, while calling out for social connection and support. Your dashboard doesn’t need to be covered up. It needs gentle attention. No, the dashboard isn’t everything—you still have a road to see and navigate. When emotions arise, you can ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” and “Where can I feel it?” and “What does my emotion ask me to do?” and “What does this suggest I am yearning for?” No one turns their driving over to a dashboard, but questions like these help our emotions play their proper role. If it were just negative emotions, this “turn off the indicator” move would be bad enough, but we are similarly incompetent when it comes to positive emotions. Imagine noticing on your car’s dashboard that your fuel tank is full. Oh, joy! You want it to stay this way, and so you decide to rewire so that the gauge always remains full. And people avoid positive emotions too! When we feel joy, we sometimes focus on how we will feel when it goes away, so we try never opening up to joy at all. That would be like the person who just disconnects the fuel gauge altogether so that she will never be disappointed when the fuel runs out because she never allowed herself to notice it was full in the first place. All of this is self-defeating, and yet it’s exactly what many of us do when we feel happy or sad or anxious or hopeful or depressed or satisfied. We like feeling this way, and never want it to stop, and so we cling onto this pleasant feeling, in the hopes of never losing it. Or we detune so it won’t be noticed when it stops, as if being numb is the definition of happiness. We dislike feeling this way, so we push it away as if feelings are the enemy. Feelings are not just about like and dislike. They are how our past and present impact us. They help train our ability to notice what is present, based on what we’ve experienced in the past. They’re like dashboard gauges that help us adjust to the challenges of our life journey. Emotions are temporary. They aren’t meant to be avoided, nor are they meant to be clung to. They are meant to come and go, flowing through you in their own time. They contain important lessons when things are off, and beautiful rewards when things fall into place. Allowing emotions to be there when they occur, to listen closely to their message, to feel them fully with neither clinging nor needless defense, allows them to serve their proper role. Your emotions are not the problem, so feel fully, embrace the change, move forward, and learn how to drive. For more on the Author: Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D.
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